


This Can't Be Love

by Anonymous



Category: ARGONAVIS from BanG Dream! AAside (Video Game)
Genre: Diary/Journal, Feelings Realization, M/M, Pining, Shotacon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:54:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25445002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Ren likes small guys. Ren also likes talented musicians.Ren thinks about Shuu a lot.Somehow, he doesn't connect the dots.
Relationships: Ujigawa Shuu/Nanahoshi Ren
Comments: 4
Kudos: 13
Collections: AAside Anonymous Fic Collection





	This Can't Be Love

**Author's Note:**

> Heed the tags. Don't like, don't read, folks

Ren has liked small guys for as long as he remembered. He'll never say it out loud, but there's a certain level of cuteness and vulnerability that only they can reach. Being five foot seven himself, there's not many guys who are shorter than him, so Ren always assumed he just relates to the struggles of being a short guy. Maybe it's just a way for him to not feel so bad for himself?

Ren has also admired great musicians. First that band he saw back when he was a little kid, and then other bands he heard and liked along the way. Most prominently, GYROAXIA. Asahi Nayuta is an extremely talented individual, and his music never fails to shake Ren to his core. Ren has felt intensely for him since the first time he came across one of their PVs. Ren would watch their videos religiously, and it was the greatest honor to be able to be by his side, as the vocalist of Argonavis, among other amazing people he's glad to call his friends. Is this what love feels like? It sure feels like it.

At least, until Ujigawa Shuu walked into his life.

At first glance, he's relatively small. Was Ren that small when he was in middle school? He can't remember. With Shuu's pale complexion, cute hairstyle, and baggy stage outfit framing his delicate body, Shuu gained Ren's attention from the first time he called out to him. Not to mention how playful he acts most of the time. Addressing him so cutely, naughty smiles here and there, Shuu occupied his thoughts.

However, the times where Shuu gets serious is no less enticing. His eyes turn sharp, his expression hardens, and his  _ voice _ . Shuu has the voice of a deceptively sweet evil overlord, and he's not afraid to wield it to blow away the competition. He might be young, but he's as serious about this competition as the rest of them, with the ability to back it up. Ren sees him as an equal to all of them.

Of course, musical talents aside, Shuu is still a young, naive middle-schooler. So then why is Ren so captivated by him? Why is Shuu the first thing in his mind when he wakes up in the morning, and the last thought he has when he falls asleep? Why does Ren look so desperately for even a moment of his time? Why is every drop of honey from his lips, no matter how drenched in poison, so precious to him? Ren feels so intensely for the boy, his heart hurts for all the affection and admiration he holds for him.

He hears somewhere that writing out his thoughts is a good way to deal with intense feelings, so that's what he does. Day by day, Ren's lost count how many words he's written down, how much of his thoughts about Shuu is poured out of his mind in a waterfall and into the journal he keeps specifically for this purpose. Sometimes he crafts poems, other times he tries to write songs, mostly the pen he holds stains paper with sentences elaborating on his sweet voice, or his lithe frame, or his steely determination.

He's even started to bring his extra-special journal along with him, jotting down thoughts and tidbits during class or between breaks. He just needs to tell his bandmates he's thinking of new ideas for future songs and that he needs utmost privacy for them to leave him alone. Besides, Nayuta doesn't really pay attention to him (when has that suddenly not become a problem anymore?), and he's not particularly close to any of his other classmates, so Ren allows himself to be lax.

_ Too _ lax. So careless, in fact, that it took him thinking up a phrase to fit how perfectly Shuu's hair frames his face on the train home to realize that he had left his notebook at campus.

The moment he realizes this, Ren panickedly jumps out of the train as soon as he can, ignoring the shouts of his friends as he does a mad dash back to the university building. His legs ache and his lungs burn, but he heeds it no mind. His priority right now is to get that journal before anyone else gets their hands on the going ons of Ren's mind.

He arrives at the gates just in time to see GYROAXIA's bassist walk out of the premises. In his hands is a  _ very _ familiar book. "Akebono-san!"

Ryo turns around, waves at Ren when he spots the boy jogging towards him. "RenRen~ hey--are you okay?"

"I-I'm okay, don't-worry about me," Ren waves him off, wheezing as he catches his breath with his hands on his knees. "By the way-that book-where did you find it?"

"Oh, this thing?" Ryo waves it around, prompting a squeak from the other. "I found it in one of the empty classes. I read it a bit-"

"You-you read it?" Ren asks, horrified.

"Yeah, it's really interesting. I'm planning to continue reading it back at the sharehouse. The way the writer describes the boy is-"

"Enough, that's enough! Akebono-san, please return the book to me!" Ren cries. Ooh, Akebono-san read his journal? Who knows who else has read it!

Ryo squints his eyes. "This is yours? Huh, I never pegged you as the type to read this kind of literature, but maybe your orbit isn't as orderly it seems, hmm?"

"That's not it! It's, uh, the truth is, um…"

Ryo takes a moment to process what Ren is trying to say, but the way his eyes light up puts dread in his gut. "Oh, that's even more interesting~ to think that RenRen is a shotacon, that's quite the news~"

Ren lets out another squeal at that. "I-no, I'm not-where did you even learn that word!?"

"Oh, it was from some manga I bought. And there's also the manga communities in the internet. I think the other members-"

"Okay, that's enough!" Ren exclaims, ripping the book from Ryo's hands. He can feel bad about it later, when his entire system  _ isn't _ loaded with warning bells to distance the other from his journal as fast as possible. "That's nice, but this is a secret, so keep quiet about it, okay? Well, bye!" and he's off before Ryo can say another word.

The entire (second) train ride home, Ren's mind is muddled. Him… a shotacon? There's no way, is there? He's an upstanding citizen with morals, he never thought about kids like that! He just likes thinking about Shuu, and his talent, and his voice, and his cute button nose…

…why did his mind go there, of all things?

Ren thinks about all his past behaviors. His preference and adoration of smaller boys. His feelings for Nayuta, which seems so dim compared what he feels for Shuu. Pages upon pages of poetry over every little tidbit he notices of the other boy. The butterflies in his stomach when he looks at him and sees him for what he is. Not a man who changed a tyrant's heart, not a boy who needs to be protected from the world, just Ren.

"Oh," Ren breathes, clutching the journal tighter to himself. " _ Oh no. _ "


End file.
